THIS IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR

October 15, 2010

When it is a game, I know it. I have confidence, and enjoy the challenge. When I know it is a game, I usually win. I am writing the script. When it is a jungle, I forget it is a game. I wear my feelings on my sleeves, and everything is unpredictable and frightening. Emotions take center stage. Life is serious and very intense. I grow fearful believing others think about me as much as I do. I am not writing the novel, but reading it. I have no idea how it will end. When it is a gift I am humbled. I am only allowed my script because others have written it for me and made it possible. I am willing to play the game or endure the jungle, because my loved ones deserve it from me, and are worth it. I know it is a gift. Next week I will again play the game and endure the jungle, but tonight I want to recall the nature of the gift.

The Gift

When I was a child of about five or six, I remember my dad playing the piano and singing the lyrics of an old world war II favorite titled This is worth fightng for. The words went something like this: "I gather my loved one's around me, and I look in each face I adore; and I hear a voice within me thunder, THIS IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR."

When mother was dying of ovarian cancer she made one final request. "Take care of each other," she told my Florida sister, the oldest of her five children. Mama was always the caretaker, the cord that held our family together. It was difficult for her to imagine how we could be safe in her absence. If was equally difficult for us to accept we would have to some day do so.

Mama's passing left a vacancy within our hearts. Life is neither as secure nor certain since her departure. We drift near and far physically and emotionally. But this past year, my family showed me the meaning of the gift of family and true brotherhood through carrying me across difficult financial gaps I could not have traveled alone.

January 29, 2011

I began writing this article a week or so before I went to work on November 1, 2010; however, it is now January 29 and it didn't end there. My first month of employment could not have happened without my family's continued support. My car had to have a new motor installed, and my family not only repaired the car, but rented me a car for a solid month for transportation back and forth to work. The cost was way over what I earned, yet I have a job today due to their combined effort.

The Jungle

Work has not been an easy thing this go around. I travel an hour to work and an hour back home. The cost of gasoline is high and my income is lower than it was eight years ago. I am the new face in an old place and a racial minority as well. The woman who hired me resigned shortly after I began work and I had no direct supervisor until two weeks ago. The next person up did not have time to teach me anything, appeared to listen to those beneath my employment level and imposed unrealistic standards on me and unreasonable control over the clients, all at the apparent suggestions of an administrative assistant and some houseparents, none of whom have the education or credentials to make the decisions that were made. I ended up working on two state holidays, almost missed my family Christmas party, and worked sixteen and fourteen hour days for months.

When I finally bonded with clients and staff within the men's facility, I was suddenly moved to the women's facility, due to inappropriate behavior and failure to complete assigned duties by the supervisor of that component, and had to start all over with new clients, working with a staff who resented me greatly for taking the other person's place. After only one weekend of open rebellion by her staff, I was stripped of all management authority and asked to only do group counseling of the ladies and document that groups had been done. I did so.

In spite of being stripped of management authority, my former boss's boss still tried to hold me responsible for houseparents not bringing clients to group at 9am nor allowing them to remain in session until 2pm. He threatened to document that I had not followed his orders, causing me to have to remind him I now have no authority over HIS houseparents, and also to ask him to go tell HIS staff to bring the clients to group at 9am, and to discontinue setting outside appointments until after 2pm daily. He did it, and I didn't get written up, but it was a close call, and I had to be more assertive with a new boss than I desired to be. Still, similar incidents occurred until after my new supervisor arrived on the scene.

My new supervisor is a wonderful African American lady with excellant counseling and supervisory skills and credentials. She is placing directives and programs in place that will create a state of the art substance abuse treatment program at our facility. My opinion of her boss went up about 100% when I realized the type person he had selected for the position, and must say I was somewhat surprised based on what I had experienced from him until that point in time. I believe trust developed between my new boss and I almost immediately, and am most grateful for her presence on the unit.

Still, houseparents and an administrative assistant who have enjoyed more power than they are qualified to have during the vacancy, are not giving it up without a fight. They continue to impose unreasonable control and punitive measures on clients who unload their discontent on me in group therapy sessions daily. The same controlling punitive staff attempt to bully me as well as the clients and continue to call my boss's boss instead of contacting her for directives, because they have more success with going over her head than with accepting her more appropriate measures that are in opposition to their control tactics, tactics that led to a physical situation between two staff people and a client, and called for the administrative leave of both staff people, one of whom was their former supervisor.

I receive reports from clients, and my former staff who will no longer fill in for the women's program, that the houseparent staff are still taking orders from the supervisor who is actually on administrative leave pending an investigation related to possible inappropriate behavior, has no substance abuse certification, and only holds a bachelor's degree. My new boss is a licensed professional counselor with a Master's Degree, and I hold a Master's Degree with an International Certification. What is wrong with this picture? Clients and my former staff report that the houseparent staff continue to call my boss's boss for support of their abusive control tactics, sexual discrimination (these control tactics are not imposed on the men I supervised), and are resisting the positive changes being made. Consequently, I have told my supervisor I will support her in any way I can do so.

The Game

Taking over a staff is not easy, and there is a battle going on, but my wonderful new boss will eventually win the war, because she has the education and credentials to do the job. She also shares my compassion and concern for the clients, and has a wonderful vision of what treatment should be for substance abuse brain disease. Under her direction, we will add a Career Center, a Learning Center, and a Library, all in our wing of the facility. Clients will be treated with respect and dignity, and recovery will be encouraged through expanding the horizons of our clients, not trying to control their every thought and action while they are in treatment.

Still the battle rages at work, and my personal battle rages to stand up for the rights of clients while still managing to keep my position secure for my family members who have supported me through so much. At times I feel my negotiation skills are excellent and that I am only moving upward; other times I fear losing my job to gossip, hate, lies and racial or sexual discrimination. Can I remember that it is a game again, and play well enough to win.

The Dream, Vision, and Ultimate Gift

Like Martin Luther King Jr.and Barack Obama, I have the audacity to have a vision and a dream. It involves love strong enough to overcome racial and sexual differences, move mountains, and bring people together with increased understanding and opportunities for all. It is a vision and a dream worth fighting for, and I am so glad I now have a wonderful new boss in my corner. Clients who actually become motivated to recover in rehab, instead of merely motivated to leave the treatment process, blacks and whites who become so dedicated to a purpose they forget about racial boundaries, and a family who is rewarded for their support and financial contributions are in my vision and my dream. This is worth fighting for.