THE DEPARTURE: CHAPTER 47 OF UNDERCOVER

IT'S SO EASY: CHERYL CROW: CLICK BELOW TO HEAR IT:

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I saw you today

And when you walked away

I couldn’t breathe

Cause I know how it would feel

To have a love so real

Not touching me

It’s so easy

Holding you near

I could melt in your arms

And disappear

Loving you, baby

Is breaking my heart tonight

Cause it’s so easy

But it isn’t right

It’s so easy

But it isn’t right

With apologies to Cheryl Crow

A cold dark cloud hung over us. I was losing Hunter, but not to another woman. He sometimes seemed like a stranger. He could not be trusted to keep his word any longer. He was unable to stop using Crystal, and tried to hide it. When I tried to talk to him about it, he would go into fits of rage. Ironically, my passion for him was greater, and the sex was more than electric. It was the only bonding left between us.

I was using Crystal too, but I was no longer playing sex games. I was just holding onto Hunter for dear life. Sometimes he wouldn’t come home at night. On those nights, I’d hold Fancy’s warm body close to me. He’d come in early in the morning, ready to make love. He’d tell me how glad he was that I was still there, and beg me not to ever leave him. The warmth of his body around me, and inside me, was the only warmth left in my life. As crazy as I knew it was, I was grateful for those times. They were my only confirmation that he still wanted and needed me.

I believed Hunter was using Crystal a whole lot. I still don’t know how many days he was going without sleep. I was using my own stash a lot during the week to keep my sales up. The only time I felt any energy at all was when I was high, and even that wasn’t the happy high it used to be. It did enable me to keep my sales up to quota. The bottom dropped out when Tom Sands suddenly disappeared from the workplace and from our lives. Nobody seemed to know where he had gone.

At first Hunter appeared to be in a state of panic. Then he took to hanging out with these guys I didn’t know who lived two doors down. He never told me what their names were. Instead, he always referred to them as “the queers.” I did not approve of the derogatory language, or of much of his recent attitude. The Hunter I had known was not into gay bashing, or any other type of discriminatory behavior. It soon became evident that “the queers” were his new suppliers, and that he was going over there to obtain and use Crystal.

I lived in a state of total darkness. Sometimes Hunter would return from the townhouse two doors down with drugs for us to do. He’d begin to imagine that the police were outside, or that someone was planning to break into our apartment. If I was high enough, I’d begin to believe whatever he told me. Sometimes, we would hide out in the bathtub with his shotgun all night, fully believing someone was lurking outside. The next morning, there would be no evidence that anyone had been there.

When we were not totally out of our minds, I worried that Hunter might be trading homosexual favors for drugs. I began to obsess on whether or not he might actually be gay. I soon felt threatened by all of his relationships, even those with guys whom I had known to be heterosexual. This did not stop me from feeling threatened by women, as well. It only kept me in a state of constant fear that he would leave me for somebody else. When my fears began to be more than I could any longer handle, I called the only other man to whom I had recently been close, Tom Sands.

It was not difficult for me to obtain Tom’s home phone by use of the telephone directory. He was no longer working with me or supplying us with drugs, but I hoped he was still in town, and that I could reach him through the telephone service. As it turned out, Tom was at home and answered the phone.

“Hello,” I heard Tom’s familiar voice through my telephone line.

“Hello, Tom. I hate to bother you, but this is Vandy.”

“I knew who it was. What’s happening?”

“I need to talk to you. If it’s not too much trouble, is there any way we could meet somewhere?”

Tom hesitated.

“What do you want?” he asked. “You know I don’t do drugs anymore.” It was more a question than a statement.

“I’m not looking for drugs. I’m looking for a friend. I need to talk to you. Is there any way we can get together? Just for a short time.”

“Sure,” he finally assured me. “But do me a favor. Don’t bring any drugs along. Can I trust you not to bring any drugs?”

I was so relieved; he could have trusted me to do just about anything.

“Of course, Tom. I won’t bring any drugs. Whatever you want.”

“Okay, but I don’t want to go around the apartment complex. Can we meet in Decatur? Somewhere like on Memorial Drive?”

“Sure. Would you like to meet at an eating-place? I know the area because my grandparents used to live there.”

“Sure, how about Mandarin Garden Chinese Restaurant?”

“Okay, “ I said. “I’ll be there just as soon as my car will get me there.”

Fancy was barking as if she needed to go outside. I grabbed her lease and led her out. Then patted her on the head and brought her back inside. I thought it best to leave Hunter a note explaining where I had gone. He had been gone much of the day, and I assumed that he might be in the townhouse two doors down. At the moment, I was glad he had not returned. I grabbed a pen and a note pad, and penned a quick message.

Hunter,

Have gone to Decatur to visit with Tom Sands. Will see you when I get back.

Vandy

Traffic was crawling, and it took me about forty minutes to reach Memorial Drive. I checked both sides of the street until I saw the Mandarin Garden Chinese Restaurant, and pulled into the parking lot. Tom’s silver Firebird was visible from my car. I hurried towards the door of the restaurant towards sweet salvation. I couldn’t get in there fast enough.

Tom was already seated, and waiting for my arrival. He looked unusually good, and smiled when he saw me.

“Hey, Vandy, sit down,” he said. “I’ve already ordered tea for us both. You’re looking good. Have a seat.”

Drugs or not, I noted that Tom still had a seductive personality. He had a way of making a woman feel dangerously sexy. I knew I did not look good, but it was nice to hear him lie just the same. I was not wearing makeup, and had thrown on the first thing I could find. My jeans were all too baggy these days, and I was wearing a huge T-shirt to hide that fact. I took the seat across from Tom.

“So, what brings you here?” He is asking. “To what do I owe this honor?”

I take a ragged breath. I’m not sure I know where to start. “You are going to think I am absolutely crazy,” I begin.

“I already knew that,” he says, grinning. “Don’t forget that I’ve known you a while.”

“No, I mean, what I have to say tonight is going to sound more off the wall than usual.” Suddenly, tears are rolling from my eyes. “Oh shit,” I say, “I don’t want to act like an idiot.”

“Hey, it’s okay. This is Tom. We go back a long way. Just get it out, girlfriend. It’s cool.”

“If I ask you a question, will you think I’m crazy?”

“Try me. What are you wanting to know?”

I held my breath, then the words rolled out like an eighteen-wheeler with a faulty break system.

“Do you think Hunter is gay?”

Tom’s eyes widened. Then he could not restrain a smile in spite of himself.

“I seriously doubt it,” he said. Then he laughed out loud, in spite of obvious attempts not to do so. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I didn’t mean to laugh. That is just so absurd. How much Crystal are you doing these days?”

“No, Tom,” I am practically begging not to be laughed at, “I am serious. Since you’ve been gone he’s been hanging out with these guys who are gay, and he is over there a lot.”

“Having gay friends doesn’t necessarily mean someone is gay.” Tom couldn’t control another short laugh. “If he is gay, I’m insulted because he never made a pass at me. What am I? Uglier than the rest of his friends? “ Then his eyes took on a serious expression.

“Look,” he said, “I can see you’re hurting. I’ll try to be more serious, but look. I do not believe Hunter has a gay bone in his body. I’m surprised you could doubt that for a minute.”

“Then why is he spending so much time with these guys, and telling me they are giving him free drugs.”

Tom looks serious.

“How much Crystal is Hunter doing?” he asked.

“Tom, I don’t know, to be honest. I think he is doing a whole lot. He keeps secrets from me. It’s not like it used to be.”

Tom squints his eyes, and frowns.

“Do you mean to tell me you think he is turning tricks for meth?”

“The thought has occurred,” I admit. “Something is going on. He never takes me over there. I don’t even know these guys at all.”

“If he’s strung out enough, it is a possibility,” he says. “But I don’t think he’s actually gay. He might be a bag fag.”

“Thanks, Tom,” I say sarcastically, “That makes me feel a lot better.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “But you asked me, and it is a possibility.”

“What do I do, then?” I ask. “I don’t have a clue what to do.”

“Ask him. You’re going to have to get honest with him. If he won’t talk, and you still believe it’s happening, you might have to move out. That is, unless you’re okay with it. It doesn’t sound like you are.”

“Tom, of course, I’m not okay with it.” Tears are falling again. “I’d actually rather believe that he’s a bag fag than to believe that he’s been a closet queen the whole time I’ve known him. It makes me feel so hopeless, like I don’t even have what it takes to satisfy him sexually. I’ve been through a lot with Hunter, but to be honest, this makes me feel like dying. It is the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life.”

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about as far as being able to satisfy Hunter sexually. Listen, I know Hunter. We’ve talked a lot. He might be in over his head with Crystal, but he loves you, girl. He might need help. I mean, like drug treatment. You know. Rehab.”

“Did you go to rehab?”

“Yep, but my problem never got to the point you’re describing. I realized I was doing too much, and it was interfering with other things in my life. I opted for Outpatient, but if Hunter is using as much as you say he is, he might need to go into a hospital.”

“I just wish I could get him to do that,” I said. “Right now, he won’t even talk to me about it.”

It was so nice talking to a sane man. If Tom had asked me to go home with him, I believe I would have done it just to kill my pain, but he was somehow different. He was behaving like someone else. He appeared to be concerned, and even to feel a little bit guilty. In all the time I had known Tom, this was the first time he had failed to make even one sexually suggestive remark. Maybe he was no longer attracted to me. We said goodbye, and I headed back to the Townhouse.

I felt a keen presence of evil as I unlocked the door to our Townhouse, but then that was not unusual. The black cloud was always there, now. I was alone a lot, and when Hunter was there, he was sometimes so spooky he scared me. I opened the door, and waited for Fancy to appear. She might need to go outside again before I tucked in for the night.

Fancy did not appear. Maybe I left her upstairs with the bedroom door closed. I hobbled upstairs, and opened the door of my bedroom. No Fancy. I wondered back downstairs. My note was gone. Hunter had been here. Maybe Fancy was in his room, the room I usually slept in. I opened the door.

“Fancy,” I called. “Where are you, girl? Where’s my good girl?”

No answer, and no Fancy. I began to panic. I looked out on the closed in patio. No Fancy. Had Hunter let her out by accident? If so, I was concerned. Without her lease, she could head straight for the highway. I could not relax. I kept having thoughts that a car could have hit her, while she ran out on the highway alone. I wasn’t sure when Hunter would be home, so I decided to sleep in my own bedroom. Without Fancy, and without Hunter, it was a lonely place. A black emptiness crept over me. I dozed off into a troubled sleep.

A awoke to the sounds of Hunter banging something around downstairs. I instantly remembered that Fancy was missing. I called him from the top of the stairway.

“Hunter,” I called.

“Yeah.”

“Have you seen Fancy? I can’t find her.”

“No.”

“Are you sure you haven’t seen her? I can’t find her anywhere.”

His words were cold.

“Maybe she got hit by a car.”

“Well, I’m going to go out and see if I can find her,” I said. “Maybe Mary will go out with me and help me look.”

I got dressed and headed through the kitchen, towards the back door of the townhouse. The note I had left Hunter was back on the table.

“I see you found the note I left,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said. He looked spaced out, and a little sad.

“So you were with Tom,” he said.

“Yeah,” I responded. “I’m going to go see if I can find Fancy.”

“There’s no point in looking for Fancy,” he said, “She’s dead.”

“You don’t know that!” I shouted. “You said you hadn’t seen her. I’m not going to believe she’s dead unless I see it with my own eyes.”

“How’s Tom?” he asked.

“He’s doing pretty well,” I replied. I didn’t mention that Tom wasn’t using drugs anymore, because I didn’t care to put Hunter on the defensive.

“Did Tom call you?”

“No.”

“How’d you happen to run into Tom?”

I swallowed hard.

“I called him.”

No reaction.

“Well, I’m going to Mary’s. Maybe we can find Fancy.”

“Okay. I’m going to go see the queers. I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Okay,” I called back as I headed out the door. “I’ll see you later.”

Driving to Mary’s, I suddenly realized how tired I felt. I was severely depressed, and this time I could not blame it on Crystal. I had not used Crystal in several days. A little bit of Crystal might help later, but I strangely did not want to be high right now. Fancy was missing, and I desperately wanted to find her. Hunter was present in body only, and I felt a need to muster up the courage to talk to him.

I had hoped that he would ask me what Tom and I had discussed, so I could try to lead up to a conversation about his sexual preference, and where our relationship was headed. Lately, it hadn’t even felt like we had a relationship. We weren’t communicating, and when we did talk, Hunter was mean spirited. We also had not had sex in three or four days.

I pulled into Mary’s apartment complex and honked my horn. In a matter of minutes, she joined me in my car. With heart beating, I drove up and down the highway that ran alongside the townhouse that Hunter and I shared, half expecting to see Fancy’s broken body on the side of the road. But there was no sign of Fancy. Maybe someone had found her and taken her in. Reluctantly, I gave up the search and dropped Mary off at her apartment. Fancy had a name tag, so if she was found, I should receive a call soon afterwards.

I reentered the townhouse drooping. Hunter was already there. I would have to find the words to talk to him. Suddenly the phone rang. I jumped to answer it.

“That’s someone calling to tell you Fancy is dead,” Hunter said.

I grabbed the phone.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hello,” said a voice on the other end of the line. “Do you have a dog named Fancy?”

“Yes!” I cried excitedly. “Yes, have you found her?”

The voice sounded strange. He hesitated.

“Well, yes, I found her,” he stops dead silent, then begins again, “but it isn’t alive.”

I am stunned. I cannot speak. I am standing there speechless, as if a flying brick has just hit me in the face. The voice is still on the other end of the phone.

“Did she get hit by a car?”

“Ugh, I don’t know. Do you want her?”

“No, please bury her. I don’t want to see her like that.”

Click. The voice is gone. My Fancy is gone. I am sobbing loudly, with body shaking. I am sick. I run to the bathroom to throw up, only I haven’t eaten in days, and have the dry heaves, instead. Hunter is not sympathetic.

“I told you Fancy was dead,” he said.

I go ballistic.

“Shut up, you son of a bitch,” I scream. “Shut up, you cold blooded son of a bitch!”

“Do you want to get high?” he asked.

“I want you to drop dead!” I scream. “I want you to drop fucking dead!”

“It’s nice to know I’m cared for,” he says, “You care more about that dog than you care about me.”

“Fancy wasn’t mean,” I am still screaming. “She wouldn’t have hurt a flea! She wouldn’t have hurt anyone! You act like you’re glad she’s dead! You act like you can’t stand for me to feel anything other than pain!”

“Come on,” Hunter is saying, now in a gentle manner. “You are acting too emotional. You need to calm down. It is going to be okay. Here, lets get high. Here, this’ll make you feel better.” He is lighting the glass pipe.

I scream at the top of my lungs.

“It is not going to be okay! How can it ever be okay? Fancy is gone, and she’s the only thing that ever loved me! She was the only thing warm that I ever had around here anymore!”

“I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been here for you. I know things are pretty fucked up right now, but I still care about you. Please don’t go looking for someone else. Please keep loving me. Tom will just fuck you. You know that I’ve stuck with you for over a year. He’s always wanted to fuck you. He doesn’t care anything about you. I don’t care if you were with him last night. Please don’t let him do it anymore.”

“What!”

“Here, take a hit.”

I inhale the fumes.

“What are you talking about? Did you think that I went to bed with Tom Sands?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Hunter is saying. “I don’t care. Our relationship is more than just about sex. You loved me before. You can love me again. Tom’s been with a lot of women, but he couldn’t be that much better than I am.”

“This is ludicrous,” I am shocked. “You really think I had sex with Tom Sands.”

“I’m not blaming you. I know I haven’t been there for you. If I don’t make you feel loved, I know that you will look for someone else. I don’t hold it against you. You stuck with me after the deal at the party. I didn’t have sex, but you thought I did. Tom probably told you I did so he could have sex with you himself.”

“This is insane. I did not have sex with Tom. We were talking about you all night.”

“Yeah, he’d do that to get in your pants. He’d let you talk about anyone you wanted to talk about.”

“Damn it, Hunter. I did not sleep with Tom. He didn’t even try. Is that what you’re being so mean about? Some shit you have in your head about me being with Tom Sands?”

“I am going to make you want me in a way you will never forget,” Hunter is saying. “You are never going to be able to forget about me.”

Hunter isn’t talking any more. He is removing my clothing and kissing me all over. He is telling me to trust him, and holding something in the air. The Crystal has taken affect. My body is submitting to Hunter’s fingers. I am under his spell. My heart is beating madly. He is holding something over my naked body. It is shiny. I suddenly realize it is a butcher knife. I arch upward to submit to the force of his erection. I cum about fifteen or twenty times nonstop with the most intense orgasms I have ever experienced. I am submitting to the power of a seductive force unlike anything I have known before. I am actually being sexually aroused under the influence of crystal by the threat of death. I have made my departure into the world of the vampire.

THE DEPARTURE IS CHAPTER 47 OF UNDERCOVER: CLICK LINK BELOW TO READ PREVIOUS CHAPTERS:

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