RECESSION RANT: DAILY FRUSTRATIONS
66LETS VENT: VENTING IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL, BUT DO WE REALLY WANT TO STAY IN THIS STATE OF MIIND?
RECESSION DIARIES: MARCH 5, 2010
I have been underemployed now since late September 2009. I am usually pretty successful at keeping my spirits up, that is as long as I keep any negative feelings to myself. I would actually like to begin, or locate a support group for those of us who spent years achieving a specialized education, and are now working for minimum wage, or slightly more. It would be wonderful to be able to express my feelings without being corrected, or advised by well meaning people who either have not lost their jobs yet, or never spent years developing a career.
Don't misunderstand. I am grateful to have a job at all, and also grateful for a family who can and will help when I can't quite make ends meet. I have made it through many months now with barely enough money to pay my bills, and often not quite enough to do so. I have been humbled over and over by having to ask my generous family for help, feeling that they had already done far more than I would have expected before they were asked. I dealt with the possibility of breast cancer while dealing with months of living on minimum wage, accepting food stamps, and often feeling that judgment was being passed, or that I was considered less than others, for having to do so. In spite of all of these experiences, I have smiled most of the time, and presented a high energy appearance and positive attitude at work, and to those with whom I have had contact. I actually have felt pretty positive most of the time.
What I have found difficult to tolerate, is well meaning advice from people who can not relate at all to what I am going through. This advice, or negative judgment, generally comes from people who are still employed in their prospective fields, or those who never educated themselves above a high school level. They seem to think that I am supposed to just forget about the years I spent preparing myself for a better life and working sixty hour weeks advancing my career, and just be satisfied working at Walmart or McDonald's. They don't understand why I feel the need to at least work on a low paying job that offers me some degree of satisfaction such as the one I am working on, if I must work on a low paying job at all.
While I would prefer to work more hours on my present job, I much prefer working there as many hours as I am able to do, to working longer hours on a job I would hate. Such a job would not solve my financial problems or offer health benefits. Such a job would leave me drained, tired, depressed, and feeling hopeless, as if the best part of my life were over.
I presently work at Curves For Women where I earn a little more than minimum wage on a part time basis. While I don't work nearly as many hours as I would prefer, the job is satisfying on many levels. Although I have no health benefits, the opportunity to exercise at Curves is an important health benefit since I am almost sixty years old, a vulnerable age to be without health insurance, and feel an exercise program protects me from a number of serious health problems. Without the opportunity to exercise, I feel my state of health would decline. In fact, I feel very strongly that this ability to exercise is the only health insurance I have at the present time.
TO ANYONE OUT THERE WHO FEELS LIKE GIVING WELL MEANING ADVICE:
1. I PREFER WORKING LESS HOURS ON A JOB THAT PROMOTES GOOD HEALTH, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY.
2. I DO NOT WISH TO TRY TO JUGGLE TWO PART TIME JOBS; MY KNOWLEDGE OF SUCH JOBS TELLS ME THAT THEY WOULD BOTH REQUIRE THAT I WORK WHATEVER HOURS THEY DESIRED, AND THAT BOTH JOBS WOULD WANT ME TO WORK THE SAME TIMES, EVENINGS AND WEEKENDS. HEAVY TRAFFIC IS NEVER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. IT IS EASIER TO WORK A FULL TIME JOB, AND A PART TIME JOB, IF YOU ARE GOING TO JUGGLE TWO JOBS. WORKING TWO PART TIME JOBS IS OUT OF THE QUESTION. YOU STILL WOULD BE POOR WITH NO HEALTH BENEFITS, HOWEVER, YOU MIGHT END UP IN AN INCOME BRACKET THAT NO LONGER ALLOWED YOU TO GET FREE MAMMOGRAMS AT THE HEALTH CLINIC, OR HAVE YOUR TEETH DONE AT THE BEN MASSELL DENTAL CLINIC. THANKS BUT NO THANKS. I AM GOING TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR ME, NOT LIVE ACCORDING TO YOUR VALUE JUDGEMENTS. IF YOU THINK SOMEONE SHOULD WORK AT WAL-MART, MCDONALD'S OR BURGER KING, I SUGGEST YOU DO IT YOURSELF.
3. I PAID TAXES MOST OF MY LIFE, AND AM NOW CLOSE TO SIXTY YEARS OLD. I INTEND TO LIVE AS WELL AND AS HAPPILY AS I CAN FOR THE REMAINDER OF MY LIFE. IF THAT INCLUDES ACCEPTING FOOD STAMPS, PROPANE GAS ALLOWANCE, FREE HEALTHCARE FROM THE HEALTH CLINIC, OR FREE DENTAL CARE, I WILL ACCEPT ALL WITHOUT A SHRED OF GUILT OVER DOING SO. MAYBE THE LAZY PEOPLE ABOUT WHOM I HAVE HEARD ALL OF MY LIFE, MERELY LACKED MOTIVATION, BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT ENTITLED TO THE BENEFITS OF THE FEW AND LUCKY. I WILL NOT GROW OLD WORKING AT WAL-MART OR ANY OTHER DEGRADING, DEMORALIZING JOB, AND IF ACCEPTING HANDOUTS AT CLOSE TO RETIREMENT AGE IS SOCIALISM, BRING IT ON, BECAUSE I DON'T REALLY CARE WHETHER IT IS SOCIALISM OR NOT.
4. WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR JOB, AND FIND YOURSELF WITH THE SAME CHOICES I HAVE AS A SENIOR CITIZEN, YOU WILL HAVE THE RIGHT TO PASS JUGEMENT ON ME, THAT IS IF YOU SPENT 7 YEARS PREPARING YOURSELF FOR A CAREER. IF YOU DID NOT, DON'T ANNOY ME WITH YOUR REPUBLICAN SENTIMENTS, BECAUSE I DON'T VALUE YOUR OPINION ALL THAT MUCH. I FULLY INTEND TO DO WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, WITH NO CONCERN ABOUT WHAT THOSE WHO STILL HAVE JOBS THINK, BECAUSE i DON'T KNOW HOW MANY YEARS I HAVE LEFT, AND DON'T PLAN TO SPEND THEM ON MY FEET ALL DAY AT WAL-MART, OR GETTING SHOUTED AT BY FAT PEOPLE AT MCDONALD'S, AS IF THE WORLD WERE COMING TO AN END BECAUSE THEY CAN'T GET THEIR BURGERS FAST ENOUGH.
Perhaps no one will read this diary, and that may be for the best, but if you identify with some of what I have written, please leave a comment, and perhaps we can start our own underemployment support group. Please don't leave argumentative comments. I will not accept them onto my site. I've heard enough of that kind of talk already. That is why I became angry enough to write this angry article in the first place.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS ON MARCH 7, 2010
It occurred to me that there is far too much anger in this article, and not nearly enough recommendations on how to keep hope alive. Although the article is mainly venting frustration that has fear as its root, I am leaving it on this site, because it is one demonstration of feelings that come about during this recession period, and I suspect that many others can relate to it. I have added more diary in the comment section of this article, some of which is a bit more positive in nature, but again, the ups and downs, the frustration and anger, the hopelessness, and resurgence of hope, are what this recession includes. If I only included advice about how to overcome anger and hopelessness, as if I were in total control, the article would not be an actual demonstration of the emotions that come about in times of poverty and extreme financial hardship. There will be more recession diaries, and hopefully many of my related articles will be more constructively written; however, this one is being read often, and its popularity points to the reality that people who are suffering need to feel that they are not alone. Hope my raw emotion helped you realize that you are not alone in your frequent feelings of anger and hopelessness. Thanks for reading my article.
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11:20am March 6, 2010
Work is therapeutic. I feel much more positive now, and was pretty embarrassed that so many people actually read this thiing. I guess I am glad; however, that I vented all of these negative feelings to strangers instead of to people with whom I come into contact daily. Let this be a lesson to us all.
1. negative feelings pass, but once words are uttered, they don't go away.
2. Use a website such as this one, a diary, or a family member for venting purposes. Since I live alone, I don't always have access to a real person.
3. Hold your tongue. You will eat every word you utter.
4. Have a nice day, anyway. The sun will shine again, and I hope some of you will read far enough to see this comment. LOL.
Here I am again. Who would have thought I'd have this much to say. What is really underneath all of this anger is fear. Since this recession hit home, my referrals ceased, and I began trying to keep my head above water, there has been no stability, no security, no comfort zone, and no promise that things won't get worse. My boss is under pressure about the recession, and not getting enough new memberships. Every week she plans to work more hours herself, which means less for me. Every week I face the fear that I might not have enough hours to cover my monthly bills. So far that fear has not materialized, but it is never far from the surface. It is always a constant threat. And this Wal-mart I keep talking about? It is in Forsyth, a good ways from here, and I drive a very old car. Many times I have trouble making it to my present job, which is much closer. There would also be no guarantee that Wal-mart would hire an almost sixty year old person with a Masters Degree, anyhow, when there are plenty of younger less educated and more appropriate people around. Management would know like I do, that I would detest the job. Why on earth would they offer me one? It is just the fear of having to do something even more demoralizing than not making enough money to cover my life expenses. How about not covering my life's expenses, standing for hours at a time, not being able to exercise, getting fat and flabby, and getting cancer as a result of obesity and stress. Mom always said that most of what you fear never comes to pass, but I am reminded constantly that my boss cannot "promise" me any hours. So far, I have always gotten them in spite of her reminders, but how long will it be before the bottom drops out again? I am a single woman with no other source of income, other than my family, none of whom live with me. And this financial instability has been going on for months, now. I can never get totally comfortable before something else goes wrong, I run out of propane gas for heat, my refrigerator, washing machine, toilet, or car quit working. Thursday my right rear tire went flat while I was working at Curves. Thanks to the woman who worked at the drug store next door, I was able to find some men who drove to where my car was parked, pumped up the tire, agreed to drive my car to their place of business, and fixed the tire, all for $15. It would have been a nightmare if I had not had the money to fix it, or had discovered the tire after work when everything would have been closed. So these are the little constant fears and stressers that cause me to have angry rants like the one I was in when I wrote this article. Tell me, does anyone else go totally balistic, possibly over an imaginary insult???
I totally understand some of the points you mentioned. (Can you turn your large CAP into low cap? because I couldn't read it. It's too painful to my eyes)
Recession, who stole my cheese? it's too late in the night for me to form an intellectual, comprehensive comment, but I feel like you can use some understandings here.
Just want to say that I do understand. Especially the specialized profession part... just leave it at that.
I will talk more tmr. Peace!
Hello Saikit. Sorry about the capital letters. Sometimes I get lazy about not wanting to capitalize first letters of a sentence, but someone has complained about that before, so I've quit doing that for the most part. This is an old hub, and one that was mostly venting over a situation I did not describe that made me angry. the situation has long passed, but since it was an emotion others have probably experienced, I did not delete it. Hopefully, this will not be the only hub of mine you read, because it is not one of my best. (: v
Hi valeriebelew,
I would say your previous situation you described in this hub was a result of someone stealing your cheese...
Government has been taxing the private sector and reallocate the money to everyone else they deem worthy. This they called social justice.
Every private job and business owner is subsidizing the public agencies and departments, who don't have the same incentive to meet any real market demands, and they don't concern so much about frugal practices. During recession their wages and benefits still increase.
This takes its toll on the private sector, and as a result, not only are they deprived of the money they earned by being resourceful and diligent, this money is taken by non-producer (public sector) to produce more public jobs and departments, who create more red taps and inefficiency that justify more public jobs and departments.
The private sectors get sucked dry and they have to lay people off. If they have the over taxed money they could have create more quality jobs and expand their productive businesses.
Big businesses, in the meantime, send lobbyists to the central government to negotiate for regulations and bailouts that actually protect their incompetence and monopolies.
Small time mom and pops owner and poor guys and gals suffer, but they were the driving force of the economy.
So people like you suffer the bigger part of the economic downturn and everything while the people who are responsible continue to wreck havoc and point fingers at the victims (the true capitalist)
So, socialists and neo-conservative stole your cheese for many years and you deserved the welfare you needed during hard time.
I just want to say that if the truly responsible is being exposed, then guys and gals like you wouldn't suffer the same fate.
Big business has most of the money and power, and yes, they are able to control much of what happens with the government too. The same people support candidates from both parties, those with the money and power, so actually they can't lose because they have helped finance whoever wins. Interesting thoughts you express. I also feel the little man has become little more than slaves or endentured servants to big business enterprises such as Wal-Mart, and others. My situation was complex, because I was self employed, but my work was financed through DFCS, a state government agency. I was somewhere inbetween, but was still a small business that eventually failed due to budget cuts due to the recession. Whatever. Luckily, I have family help, and own a home. (: v
I think Wal-Mart is okay though, big businesses that really have close connection with the government are Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and Enron.
They got their profits and benefits protected by government regulation. Regulation actually created a haven for them and prevents small businesses and other producers from competing with them.
When all hell break lose, the government use the tax money to keep them into the game.
What I am concerned is, people might organize Unions in Wal-Mart, and thus artificially push up wages. Other small girls and guys will suffer when there are Unions.
If someone is getting more wage than the market is willing to give him, someone else has to lose that money. Who does? The entreprenuer, business owners, and their hard working employees. i.e. the producers.
That's how real jobs get destroyed and how credible businesses have to go out of business or lower their compensation for their own employee.
If you own a piece of Wal-Mart (Shareholder) would you like to see it get unionized? Would you like people who don't own it to have a big say to an asset that you own?
and then, if problems get out of hands, the government would say things like "I have to bail you out again" "you greedy capitalists"
Then they might persecute a couple of executives, add some more regulations, and set up more public agencies to solve the problem they created.
They also print money out of thin air. The hard earned money of small guys and gals get devalued because of the excess money they print out of whim. It's a form of stealing. It's inflation.
And they give these money away to more public agencies and "nationalized" business like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
Then they demand the children, great grand children, and great grand children of these small guys and gals to pay back the debts with tax.
This is how the theft took your cheese, your children's cheese, your grand children's cheese and your great grant children's cheese
Since government protect the big guys because they become more and more socialistic, the children, great grand children, and great grand children might fact increasingly hard time to compete with them, and have to work in Wal-Mart.
But by that time Wal-Mart might be unionized or something, so small gals and guys can't enter without permission of the union! they have to go somewhere else that pay lower wages. (i.e. if government hasn't screwed credible business like Wal-Mart yet by that time)
We may not agree on this, Saikat, though I am not necessarilly for union involvement. I believe any company as big as Wal-mart should have to work people full time and offer benifits. They make enough profit to have full time staff, and offer benefits, yet they work scores of people part time at low wages in order to avoid doing so. Shareholders have much more money than the poor workers on whose backs their profits are made. I don't think the wealthy priviledged should be able to do anythiing they please and work the poor like slaves. I don't shop at Wal-mart very often at all because I don't choose to support their practices. I also believe such businesses need to be regulated, and that government is no more poorly ran than the big Wallstreet firms that caused this present recession. I doubt you agree with me on most things political, however lets just agree to diagree, and I do thank you for responding to my site. I hate political debate, and generally avoid it. These sites were written pretty soon after my business failture, and I have adjusted to my present level of poverty somewhat; however, I do not think owning things give anybody the right to work others like slaves, and that is what I see happening with our capitalistic system today.(: v
valeriebelew Hub Author 2 years ago
MARCH 6, 2010
I was up at 6am to make sure I arrive at Curves in time to work out before any customers arrive. I am scheduled to work from 9am until 12pm today, as it is Saturday, and the gym is only open a few hours. Sometimes a seemingly small thing can trigger a host of negative emotions. I'd best not mention what that thing was, as it would not work to my benefit to do so. While my definition of self pity is: "somebody else's pain," I do believe sharing some feelings or situations publicly tends to make them worse. During my months of underemployment, I have tended to put on a happy face, and share very little; however, I have apparantly shared too much. When people begin to offer advice, and tips on how to improve your life, most of which you feel would not be improvements, but punishment, you have generally shared way too much. This post will hopefully satisfy my need to think and organize my thoughts, only with strangers, people I don't have to face every day. That way I will not have to deal with those daily little condecending suggestions and political judgments, made by people who haven't been in my shoes and don't have a clue how it feels to be me. I wish now that I had shared nothing personal about my life with anybody, but had just smiled and done my job. In the course of about 8 months, I have shared that I once earned $200 per assessment, gradually lost my business and income, began working part time for a little over minimum wage, have accepted help from my family during extreme emergencies (some of whom are quite well to do financially), and pay my own monthly bills most of the time with the help of food stamps. I finally received help from the propane gas assistance agency, in order to avoid asking my family for assistance with the purchase of propane gas, again. I receied a mammogram, diagnostics, a sonagram, and core needle biospsy through the local health department, and am about to receive help for my gum disease from the Ben Massell Dental clinic in Atlanta. All of this is new to me, as I spent many years working long hours, while never being able to afford to have the dental work done. I did have health insurance until I became self employed, still, life as a single woman has been financially unstable for me, and when things go wrong there is no second income on which to depend. I very much regret that I have shared any of this with anyone outside of my family, even though it has been shared a little at a time within a period of over 8 months with people I see almost daily, or see at the least, three or four times a week. I made the mistake of assuming that people would understand, since in our present recession, I am not the only one experiencing similar circumstances. What I have discovered; however, is that people would prefer to feel that those of us who are underemployed (as in my case,) or unemployed, as some less fortunate, could do better than we are now doing. Their suggestions are unhelpful, and at times downright insulting. Their solutions are not solutions at all, but judgments that are designed to justify the fact that some people have far more advantages than others, who have not worked any harder, and in many cases have not worked nearly as hard. From now on I'll be as closed as a clam. They can justify their own good fortune at somebody else's expense from now on. I spent 7 years in college and graduate school, then three additional years obtaining a certification that is now not worth anything. I have no intentions of working at Wal-mart, or anywhere else that would require I stand on my feet all day at close to sixty years old. I don't feel guilty about this, and don't much care how anyone else feels about that. When they are in my shoes, lets see how quickly they go running to Wal-mart to do a part time job at minimum wage that offers no benefits, and leaves them unqualified to receive any financial aid from anywhere else. I doubt I'd do any better financially from working on such a job, I'd only be more unhappy, and feel my health decline. Yes, I'm angry, but it is justified anger, not self pity. Walk a mile in my shoes, and we will discuss this again. If you are happy to work at Wal-mart with a Masters degree, take your polyanna ass elsewhere, because my feeling is that you are a stupid sap who deserves whatever Wal=mart has to offer. Well, I've vented for the morning; it is time to put on a happy face and go to work. Have a good day.