I SLEEP WITH A SERIAL KILLER: FLUFFY THE CAT, WARM AND CUDDLY

Hard to believe as he lays on my bed, belly up, awaiting his assured belly rub, that my affectionate sweet cat, Fluffy, is a serial killer. He may have nine lives, but the frog he left on my floor last night only had one. Fluffy, one of my best friends, and gang leader second only to Sambo the bad dog, kills for a hobby. He doesn't eat his prey like Jeffery Dahmer did. Just killing is enough to please him, then he calmly walks over to his food dish where his real meal awaits.

About 3am, I awoke to the sound, that agonized sounding scream, of Fluffy committing yet another murderous act, this time on a frog. Don't ask me how the frog got inside, whether it did so of its own accord (bad move on the frog's part), or was brought into my house by Fluffy the cat. As I was sleeping, until Fluffy awoke me with his war cries, I don't know.

"STOP ME BEFORE I KILL AGAIN."

I tried, and its not the first time. I hobbled out of bed, intending to rescue the frog and throw it outside, but it escaped the dust pan I placed it in, and scampered off to some hiding place that was not good enough. Unable to find the frog, I made a visit to the bathroom, and returned to discover Fluffy had located the frog and completed the act. Not wanting a dead frog in my bedroom, I had to carry the frog outside in the same dust pan, and toss him as far away as I could in the dark of night.

MY SERIAL KILLER'S VICTIMS

There are many, like the squirrel Fluffy only partially ate in front of the dog kennel, the many rats, one mouse, and numerous others. Why does he do it? Beats me. He continues to beg for food after the killing, and seldom eats even a small part of his prey. Then he climbs into bed with me, ever so gently rubbing his white furry body against me in a show of affection. Our relationship, of course, is platonic, but bedtime would be a lonely time indeed, without Fluffy the cat, and Sambo, the bad dog. Sambo has never killed anything I know of, but he attempted to sink his canine teeth into another un-neutered male dog, a poodle, bringing about a court case that ended with me paying out $400 a year to save his dumb ass. The incident occurred after the poodle made a pass at Ginger, the Golden Retriever, who was in season at the time.

Sambo has not had the chance to go after the poodle again, but his ears stand erect whenever it passes with its owner, who tried to get Sambo euthanized for his American Pit Bull performance. He is actually only an Australian Shepherd dog; however, the little dog, and its owner's big fear, made him think momentarily he had pit bull status, until I put my arms around his waist, popped him on the snout, and dragged him from the scene, carrying him home while shouting "Bad Dog, you must have a death wish" all the way to my house. Ginger looked somewhat cocky, and Brandi, Sambo's bitch, looked downright pissed at Ginger. This story is true, honest it is.

But back to the subject of my serial killer, cats are like that; yeah they are. Fluffy makes his own rules, and all is forgiven, as long as he stays away from my laptop, and he usually complies to that request. I keep a spray bottle nearby, for when he doesn"t. I leave a crack in the window beside my air-conditioning unit, that serves as his inside/outside cat door, and all is well, except if he is bringing any of his victims inside to kill them, I'd prefer he stop it.

SOME THINGS ARE JUST AN ANIMAL'S BASIC NATURE

I don't think Fluffy will ever stop killing. Sambo will never be nice to other stud dogs, especially if they are small enough for him to stomp their poodle butts, and both will be my bed partners for as long as they live. Yes, there are other men in my life, but they don't live here, and they don't protect me as well as Sambo does. A good man is hard to find, and Fluffy and Sambo are good men, even though one is a serial killer, and the other has mad-dog status. As long as they can get along well with one another, and they can, and do, I'll defend the both of them till the death.

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