HOW TO COPE WITH A LOVED ONE'S ALCOHOL OR DRUG ABUSE

We must first clarify what addiction actually is, and how it comes to be. Substance abuse is a choice; addiction is not a choice. Most addicted individuals begin using alcohol or drugs as adolescents, while young, and very vulnerable to curiosity, and a need to fit in with other young people. Whether or not this is logical thinking, most individuals who begin abusing drugs or alcohol do not believe they will become addicted to either. Lets face it. Adolescents are not known for logical thinking; that is why God provided them with parents. They tend to believe that death is for others, and that nothing they do will seriously impair or harm them.

SUBSTANCE ABUSE VS SUBSTANCE ADDICTION

Substance abuse differs from substance addiction in a number of ways. Substance abuse can appear very similar to substance addiction, and often leads to substance addiction; however, there are serious physical differences found by scientists in the structure of the brains of those who have become addicted to substances. While many issues present in the case of addiction, such as problems with impaired driving, family or other violence, decreased productivity on the job, and legal problems, etc., also apply to substance abusers, the physical changes that occur in the brain as a consequence of drug abuse happen gradually, and are not fully present in those who only abuse drugs or alcohol.

ADDICTION AS A DEVELOPMENTAL DISEASE

Addiction is considered a developmental disease, due to the tendency of young people to experiment with drugs and become vulnerable to addiction. Once an adolescent begins drug use, the changes in his or her brain structure begin immediately. According to The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), initial drug use is voluntary, but drug abuse soon takes over a person's life, because drug use brings about physical changes in the brain in the areas that are critical to judgment, decision-making, learning, memory, and behavior control. According to NIDA, scientists now believe that these structural brain changes alter the way people think, and explain the compulsive and destructive nature of denial and addiction. The problem is even more serious for young people, whose brains have never fully developed apart from substance abuse and addiction.

IF YOU SUSPECT THAT YOUR TEEN IS EXPERIMENTING WITH DRUGS OR ALCOHOL

Drug and alcohol abuse are more serious in teens, because their brains are not yet fully developed, though both are harmful for anyone. If you suspect substance abuse is a part of your teenager's life, do whatever you need to do in order to stop it. Seek help, and do so quickly. The sooner you stop your teenager's substance abuse, the sooner you will stop the structural damage from occurring in his or her brain.

THE TOUGH LOVE OPTION

Contrary to many in my field, I do not support the tough love option used to the extreme, because it assumes that addicted persons still have a choice about whether or not they use drugs. While some measure of tough love may be effective for substance abusers, those who have become addicted to drugs are no longer in control of their own behavior. They may promise to remain drug free, and mean it from the bottom of their hearts, but the change in their brain chemistry and structure that has already taken place, causing addiction, will continue to operate, causing them to break their promise to you.

Their broken promises have nothing to do with their love for you, any more than a diabetic who continues to need insulin is a disloyal friend or family member. Again, substance abusers have a choice; addicts do not have a choice. Your tough love, no matter how well intended, may cause the death of your loved one, who most likely will end up continuing his or her addiction as a street person with no emotional or financial support at all.

THE POLITICALLY CORRECT, FINANCIALLY MOTIVATED, PROGRAMMED THINKING CONCEPT THAT OUTPATIENT TREATMENT IS AS EFFECTIVE FOR ADDICTION TREATMENT AS RESIDENTIAL OPTIONS, OR THAT BRIEF THERAPY WILL WORK IN THE CASE OF ADDICTION

These concepts were proposed by insurance companies, and financially minded bureaucrats, not substance abuse professionals or recovering individuals, most of whom generally know better. At least with adolescents, the residential option is still available, since those in control tend to pass less harsh judgment on the young; however, you need to get your adolescent into treatment before he or she passes the age at which only the wealthy can afford effective treatment options. By the time effective treatment for substance abuse or addiction is recognized as being needed, most have passed the threshold in age and financial ability that make it a possibility.

INSIGHT NEEDED

I am about to remind you of some things you might prefer to forget. Have you ever started a diet, and failed to stick with it? Do you smoke cigarettes? If so, how many times have you tried to quit? If you are intelligent enough to be reading this article, you probably know that at least three exercise sessions weekly are recommended by most doctors and health professionals. Do you exercise at least three times a week? Have you ever lost weight only to regain every bit of it? Have you ever returned to a problem relationship after deciding it was in your own best interest to end it? Be honest, now.

Have you ever returned to an old lover, at least for lovemaking, after you made a decision to end the relationship? The lover might even be an ex-spouse. If you have done any of these things, you understand at least a little bit about what it feels like to be a drug addict, and your brain has not even been altered by drug abuse. Now that we understand what addiction is, a chronic, relapsing, brain disease, in which the individual continues to use substances in spite of negative consequences that occur as a result of doing so, we are ready to move on as to how you deal with this behaviors in others.

TREATMENT OPTIONS

First of all, if your loved one has a serious addiction, and is not merely a substance abuser, the only way to initially stop a serious addict from using substances (drugs, alcohol, or both) is to place him or her somewhere in which he or she is not able to use drugs or alcohol at all for a reasonably long period of time. Due to the structural changes present in the brain of the addict, given the opportunity, he or she will eventually use drugs or alcohol. New habits must be internalized, and this requires months.

NIDA reports that the longer the length of drug treatment, the more successful it will be. Forming new habits does not insure that your loved one will not eventually use drugs or alcohol again, but it at least makes recovery a possibility. Your loved one will always have associations related to substance abuse that will remind him or her of drug use, and may even cause him or her to crave the drug involved. This is a given. The secret is for your loved one, to eventually develop a drug free life that he or she loves, and craves more than the effects of the drug.

While twelve step meetings and support groups are a good start, they can only carry the former drug or alcohol user so far. The true goal of recovery should be to live with interests similar to those of any other person, most of whom have never been addicted to drugs or alcohol at all. For the recovering addict, this requires developing interests in many activities that may be new, and previously unexplored. As someone who loves this person, you have a long wait on your hands.

TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF, WHETHER OR NOT THE ADDICT CONTINUES TO USE DRUGS OR ALCOHOL

Addiction alters the behavior of all who deal with it, and that includes those who are not actually abusing the drugs or alcohol, meaning you. It is senseless for well-meaning treatment professionals and friends to tell you to detach yourself from the behavior of the addict, as if this were actually possible to do. About all such advice does is cause you to feel guilt over being concerned, a natural consequence of loving someone else who has a problem. Your life will not be easy, but love never promises us ease or comfort. There is hope in not giving up; there is none I can see in leaving things to chance, as many self love advocates suggest. I see such advocates as advocating their own form of denial. The addict has little chance of survival without your painful, and long suffering help. At the same time, you deserve a quality life, whether or not the addict chooses one.

FREINDS AND LEISURE TIME

Form friendships with persons who will not blame you for your loved one's addiction, or discourage you from being there for him or her. The natural tendency of someone who cares is to be there. While sharing your feelings about the addict and his or her behavior should be allowed within your friendships, it should not be the focus of all of your time spent together. You need a diversion from the pain of addiction, and to have some good times with friends that include a number of positive uplifting activities.

SUGGESTIONS FOR FUN

Join a book club, or a writing group. Go hiking with friends, and take your dog along if you are an animal over. If you are an animal lover, you might also want to join a breed club, or enter your pet in AKC or CKC competition events, where you will meet others who enjoy animals and events that include them. Follow the president's call to do volunteer work. This can be animal rescue work, participating in a local food pantry or soup kitchen, doing a prison ministry, or teaching an adult how to read. You might work through a church or other civic group. Such contributions help others, while increasing your own feelings of usefulness and worth.

Have friends over for dinner, or take in a movie. you might want to join a support group of co-addict family members. If so, consult AA or NA central for information on meeting locations and times. Indulge in theater; take in a play, attend a concert, classical or rock, whatever your preference. Life has much to offer. Start living. Your love for your addicted family member or friend will bring difficult times, and pain, so you need to work hard to keep positive friends and experiences within your grasp.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, MY SHORT STORY

I was a drug user as a young person. I no longer use any illegal drugs. I do have an occasional glass of wine, as I have done now for many years, and for me this works, though I do not recommend it for most recovering individuals. I am grateful my family did not give up on me, and many times "enabled" me to become the drug free individual I am today. I have now enjoyed almost thirty years of drug free life, a life that I love more than any high I ever experienced while using drugs, and that probably would never have happened if I had been left on the streets to fend for myself. Take my suggestions for what they are worth. I do not claim to have all the answers, but I do believe in the power of faith, hope, and love, and for me, the greatest of these has definitely been the ever-present love of my family and supportive friends.

PLEASE CLICK LINK BELOW FOR ADDICTION LYRICS AND ALL THINGS ADDICTION:

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