AGISM: Insults Presented as Compliments to Older Women

We hear more about racism, sexism, and discrimination against populations based on sexual preference. These and discrimination against the poor are common themes in my political writing; however, recently, agism, which is very much related to sexism has come to annoy me greatly. First of all, I do not need anybody's validation to feel good about myself. I have my own set of eyes, and I can see myself just fine. I know I don't look like a teenager, and that is not my goal in life.

I work out in a gym daily before arriving at work, and am happy with the results, though there is always room for improvement. I keep my weight between 120 and 130, and when it tips the scales above 130, I go on a diet immediately. I do as much as I am able to do financially to look as good as I can look, and I make no apologies for doing so. I do not need assurance from the young dumb generation to feel good about the way I look, thank you. Please keep your misguided assurance attempts and comments to yourself.

Rain on an otherwise sunny day

I usually feel very good about my life and my appearance. I'm not trying to win points with anyone young enough to be my son or daughter, though I enjoy the company of many such individuals. I am a Certified Addiction Counselor in a women's residential program, and most of my consumers are around the age of twenty-five or thirty. I enjoy teaching these young people the benefits of a healthy drug free life, and encouraging them to become active in new hobbies and interests, because that is what I believe living drug free is supposed to be about, not sitting in rooms smelling stale smoke and drinking cold black coffee for the remainder of our lives. That said, I have many drug free years behind me, and have ceased to attend 12-step meetings at all, unless I am attending them with newly recovering individuals. If that upsets you, sorry, I'm not interested in getting in your box for recovering people.

Another box I refuse to get into is any box imposed by anybody other than myself for older women. I do not feel in the least inferior to younger women, and am weary of hearing comments related to my age as if I should. First of all, to any of you younger people who wish to pay an aging woman a compliment, please don't say "You look good for your age." The minute the reference to my age is made, the statement ceases to be a compliment. What you are really saying is "Your age is all I see, but you look like you may have looked good at some time in the past." My youthful friends, this is no compliment, but an insult. it is not your duty to make any comment about my appearance, nor am I asking you for one. If you can't honestly just tell me I look good, please say nothing at all.

Another group of insults disguised as some type of positive affirmation are comments such as "You must have been really popular when you were young," or "I bet you were really wild in your younger days, " or "you must have been hard to handle when you were young." Again, I am not dead. The moment you add the phrase "when you were younger, young," or "in your younger days," you negate the compliment. What you are in truth telling me is that I am no longer relevant nor any of the things you think I may have been at a younger age.

I really hate to destroy your glowing feelings of superiority, but most older people do not want to be young. We don't want to look old, but prefer having the insight, experience, and wisdom of an older woman. With regular exercise and a few botox and filler injections, we can look almost as good as you do, and have ten times the insight, wisdom and potential. That is what most of us want, not to go back to your maturity, level of insight, wisdom or confidence, which is pretty nonexistent in most cases. Not meaning to insult you, but you insult me daily without even knowing it. Maybe this strike back, will make you think the next time you consider opening your young dumb mouth. Better still, it will cause you to acknowledge that you, yourself, are not getting any younger, and will someday have to accept the sexism our culture dishes out to aging women.

"ITS NOT NATURAL"

First of all, allow me to make one thing clear. Until the agism against older women ceases to exist in our society, I have no interest in looking like a natural person of my age. That shouldn't surprise you, since none of us females are all that interested in looking natural. I may use Botox and fillers at this point in my life, given the money to do so. So what? Do you color your hair, get tattoos, or wear makeup???? If so, I am not interested in hearing about how unnatural age defying injections are, because you are not accepting your natural appearance any more than I am.

In my teens, I was already coloring my hair, wearing makeup, and wearing false eyelashes occasionally. How natural was that? So, nothing has actually changed. I am still doing what I need to do to like the appearance of the person looking back at me in the mirror. Any ugly jokes or ridicule of older women who use facial injections by those who color their hair, have tattoos, or wear makeup is nothing short of agism, and I don't accept agism any more than I do racism, sexism, or discrimination based on sexual preference. I'm sick of hearing aging females joked about, as if growing older were inferior to being born fifty years later. Let's face it, we're all going to get older, so you'd best prepare now by having respect and admiration for those who are your seniors.